starting again…

I’ve been away from the blogging world for a long while. I’ve missed it.

So with little fan fare;

For me, as a parent I have become my child or rather my life has become about her. I mean as a mother you obviously take care of your children… feed them, house them, cloth them etc but I have realized more and more that I have forgetten me, myself in my quest to be the perfect mother. To be different from my own mother… more accessible, more understanding, a better friend. And yet through all of my struggles I am still her mother and as she becomes a young woman she seems to need me less and less  and I find myself sitting in my perfect room with all of my books, crafts and art… staring, wondering… when did I give up my passions? The answer is of course, when she became my passion.

And as she begins to pull away (as most children do at the age of 18) I feel empty, not needed, lost. So, I wonder… how does one find themselves again? When you have lost yourself so long ago. How do I become less obsessed, how do I find my own passions again, apart from her?KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

For me its going to be coming back to this blog, which was a labor of love for me for quite sometime, where I met some amazing people who affected my life with their posts and some who became so much more than that.

I do this for me, because well… if I don’t I might continue to obsess over someone else’s life who quite frankly needs a chance to find her own way…

the vow…

Doesn’t Channing Tatum’s character just break your heart?
Even in this little clip…

Oh and PS… Anyone see MY “Ben”?

this gets me everytime…


so… I love to read. I usually pick one book at a time and I go through it pretty fast. But, currently I am reading 3 different books and I kind of like it.

Book 1

Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin~ The first season of this HBO show was so incredible I had to read the books.  I think their are 5 books in the series and this first book is so good, it is hard to put down.

Book 2

Seriously… I’m Kidding by Ellen Degeneres ~ I love Ellen.  I love her sense of humor, I love her dry delivery and I love her heart.  And this book has me laughing out loud.

Book 3

Incredibly Close and Extremely Loud by Jonathan Safran Foer ~ Thanks to my bestie… She told me about this great book. I just got it yesterday and I think I am half way through. It is so well written. Thanks M

PS Here is the trailer for this book coming alive on the big screen. I can’t wait.


My little baby is 15 today…

it can’t be…


so… many years ago I came across this writing (It was written by Sonny Carroll) I copied it in my quote book where I write many things… song lyrics, poems, dialogues from movies I love etc.  However, I am not sure I was really ready to hear it.  I was just re-reading it this weekend and I was so moved and inspired.  I had to make it my first post of 2012…

Awakening ~

A time comes in your life when you finally get it…
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you
stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice
inside your head cries out – ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening… 

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are … and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything; it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.”

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won’t settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it’s just life happening.

You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Happy New Year

pic found here

december …

Basketball Season Started~

~my daughter the cheerleader

Happy Birthday Finnegan “Finn ~

~ 1 year old

I have finally coming to the end of my recaps. My hope is to get back to regular blogging again. I have missed it so…

november recap…

November brought us a visitor.
My most favorite aunt… friend and confidant.

Debra Rae

~walking around our cute downtown area

~thanksgiving table

~such beauties

It meant so much to us that she came.

october recap…

October was a busy great month for us.

October 6th ~

We celebrated my wonderful husbands birthday at his favorite resturant with some of his favorite people.  Kenz and I got him a new watch. He has been wanting one for sometime but he never spends money on himself.  He was surprised and I think happy.

October 13th – 17th ~

We went on a trip for our anniversary (Oct 27th) to Vermont & New Hampshire.  This time we thought it would be fun to travel with some friends.  We were so right.  So we met up with our friends in Hartford, CT, rented a car and hit the road.

~this is the first picture I took and I was was sitting in the car while it was moving.  So you can only imagine how great my other 600 pictures are HA.  It really is like a postcard everywhere you look and we missed peak color and it rained almost the whole time and yet this is what we saw from our car windows.


~we went on hikes (when the weather cooperated) This picture is while hiking up in the White Mountains, New Hampshire.

~when we were in Grafton, VT we stayed at this amazing Bed & Breakfast

~cute little shops in every little quaint town.

~and lots of these…

October 31st


~Hello Kitty

~husband always puts on a hockey jersey and calls it good and this is our Finn (our little pumpkin.)

september recap…

…continuing on with my recaps~

In September I experienced many things.


In September I ran my first 5k.  I have always wanted to do one but have never had the nerve. My girlfriend talked me in to doing it and daughter came with and stayed with me even though most of the time I was at a snail’s pace. I can not really properly explain the feeling I had when I finished.  I felt such a sense of accomplishment and even though I was pretty far back in the pack there’s nothing like seeing your friends cheer you on at the finish line.  I hope to be ready for the 10k coming this Spring.  A couple more 5k’s under my belt and I should be a pro.  HA


Homecoming weekend at my daughters school was especially great this year. Her being a Freshman, lots of her classmates are on the team. So a different kind of pride sets in.

Some of you might remember a story I told back in 2009 about the tragic death of student at our small school. If not here is the post. Anyways that young boy would have been a senior this year so along with his parents and his teammates a flag was raised in memory of him before the game along with a memorial plaque. It was a beautiful ceremony and brought many of us to tears.

Passion ~

My passion for photography just grew this month when I had an amazing photo shoot with Autumn and her beautiful horse.

august in pictures…

In an effort to get caught up and back on an “almost” daily blogging schedule. I am going to do a few catch up posts. Starting with August.

Chi Town:

The first week in August husband and I took daughter and her good friend to Chicago. I bought MacKenzie (daughter) and Molly Meet & Greet Tickets for a concert being held at the Bottom Lounge as a sort of back to school/end of summer surprise. The Friday Is Forever Tour with “We The Kings”, “The Summer Set”, “The Downtown Fiction”, “Hot Chelle Rae” and “Action Item”
It was a great time and since Molly had never been to Chicago we had fun doing all the tourist things that we have not done in awhile. Wendella Boat Tour, Navy Pier, Wrigley Field and of course shopping on Michigan Avenue.

Chicago will always be “My Kind of Town”

pics from daughters camera..

the girls thought this was the BEST…


In the middle of August the roads offically became a dangerous place when daughter got her permit.  Ugh

Nothing Like Family…

Later in August Kenz and I made the 13 hour drive to Wyoming to visit some of my family I took so many amazing pictures during that trip but it would take way to much space to put them all on here so here’s a taste.

My two new precious nephews William & Alan (a little blurry, but Alan was laughing, I couldn’t resist)

My beautiful sister Carrie & her equally amazing children… I love them so

and my mommy with danny…

That is about it for August… Oh and did I mention daughter started her Freshman year in high school. Say it isn’t so.

Stay tuned tomorrow for September.

my week with…

I love Michelle Williams… she may be my biggest girl crush after Kate

and I love Marilyn even more…

“life isn’t about finding your self, its about creating yourself.” ~ Shaw

~ so just a quick note to tell you all that today I finally gave notice at my job.  I feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders….. STEP ONE.  

More on this later…

july in pictures…

MacKenzie was in a play.

Cinderella x4.  Imagine Cinderella with a Modern Cinderella version, a chinese, a russian and a native american version all set to popular music, sort of a “Glee” spin.  For example daughter was the Evil Stepsister in the Modern version and they did a singing / hip hop dance number to Kesha’s We R’ Who We R’. It was so good and extremely funny.  We weren’t suppose to take pics but thankfully someone was anyways and got these good shots.

MacKenzie sings the National Anthem.

Theatre Friends are the best.

The End of Harry Potter.

You must have your wands…

oh… and I went back to my natural brunette color.